They say it gets easier each time...
Let's hope that it does. Back in Singapore, I was honestly looking forward to starting uni again. My brain seriously needed another workout after being away for the summer. The new year meant that I was taking new units and this was another opportunity for me to work hard and perform better than before. Especially since I should know what uni expects now.
As the first week of uni comes to an end, I feel that I'm somehow still struggling to adapt. When I walk around uni, I feel that I always stick out like a sore thumb, that people are staring, talking... I know I could be over-thinking, but then again, who is there to tell me that I'm not? Could it be a pure coincidence that no matter how many times I take the bus to uni, no one chooses to sit next to the asian girl? Do I smell? Do I look like I would swallow you whole? Hmmmm I simply cannot wrap my head around this.
The other day, I overheard a middle aged man say " You wouldn't want an asian to sit next to you now would you?" as I made my way towards the end of the bus after class. Somehow my mind started freaking out because I started to feel ashamed that I was asian... for that brief moment. I should have given myself a tight slap across the face for even thinking that way. One doesn't choose their race, GOD does. I must never let anyone make me feel like that. NEVER. Yes, we may not have the same skin colour, same accent or religion, but when you cut me, I'm pretty sure we bleed the same.
It feels like a constant struggle to fit in and to assimilate. How do I adapt successfully and still retain who I am?